Purpose

Do you ever wonder why God put you on this earth? I have been praying hard lately, and asking what my purpose is here on earth. Now that I have graduated college and gotten married alot has changed for me and I feel like I need to do something else...what it is I am not sure. Then lately, as in the past year of my life I have been surrounded by nothing but tragedy and sadness. I am not writing this post to have anyone feel sorry for me or asking for comfort, I am writing it for myself, and for me to look back on and see what is really going on in my life. So with that said here are the few things that me and my family have been through in the past year..ish...in no certain order, just how I thought of them
-I lost my first grandparent on Halloween last year, unexpectedly
-My fiance at the time, aunt suddenly passed away.
-my sister lost one of her identical twins at birth
-my brother got re-ended by someone going 72 on the interstate, thankfully no one was hurt
-my uncle got diagnosed with stage 4 throat and mouth cancer
-my moms cousin committed suicide
-my aunt when through a divorce due to her husband cheating
-my husbands last grandparent passed away
-one of my husbands closest friends( a groomsman in our wedding) committed suicide
I am sure there is many more that I can not think of at the moment, but I think that will do considering those are the ones I can think of off the top of my head without stopping...ending with the last 2 which we found both out today. I have never seen my husband with more sadness and blankness in his face. When I was in 9th grade one of my moms best friends and one of the other mothers in my "families" committed suicide, at that moment, I couldn't understand. Watching that family get torn apart and never make it back has effected me in a way that was life-changing. Then again, 3 months ago when my moms cousin did the same thing, was life changing. Now, watching my husband suffer the way that I did years ago, a way that no words can describe, a way that hurts SO bad but there is no healing or comfort anyone can cure. Hurts me, a lot. Thinking about his wife who is 27 years old and having to try to heal and deal with this for the remainder of her life. Why? Why? The question that will never be answered... its just like when. does. it. stop? Is this how God intended on my life here on earth to be? Surrounded but complete tragedy constantly? Why does he believe I am so strong? We do have good days, and I know that and there are for sure more good than bad and I KNOW people have it way, way worse than me. BUT for me and my life right now it sucks, it really sucks. So now, I am clinging to the Lord like I never have before, I am looking for positives in every situation. I am forcing myself to open up to my husband about all things, holding nothing back. Every time something happens like this it is just one more wake up call for me. I am sure I will follow up on this more at another time but I needed to get this out while it was fresh on my mind. Right now, I need to go cuddle with the hubs.

love
Erin

Jesus replied, "You do not realise now what I am doing, but later you will understand."
John 13:7

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid."
John 14:27