Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Today's Thoughts(aka rambling)

**Waring, this post is a lot of rambling, and doesn't really have a point to anyone besides myself. :)

So the past few weeks my mind has been consumed with questions of what I am going to do with my life. I feel like most people that are 6 months pregnant are looking for ways to quit their jobs and be able to raise their kids. For me, it is the opposite (and please hear me out before you judge. Or judge, it doesn't matter because it won't change my feelings). I am young. My husband in turning 29 in a week and a half and I just turned 23. I flew through college (3 1/2 years) and was in my last semester when we got married. He had a terrific job which allowed me to stay part-time at Healthpoint and then I quit there about 6 months ago to work with my mom at Cape Starter (our family business). Recently, which most of you know if you have read my blog at all, that Pete quit his job at AT&T and is doing his dream job of full-time house flipping and running our rental property. I love that we are in a place in our lives that he can do that. I probably say at least 3 times a week how grateful I am that he doesn't work at AT&T anymore. It was fine for a few years, but our life is so much easier and enjoyable without that job (new budget or not, ha!). But because he quit, I am looking for some type of work with benefits. At first I thought it would be no big deal, I would find something part-time where I can still work with my mom and pick up a few weddings each year. That would be the perfect dream for me-I still get to work with family and pursue my passion of wedding coordinating. But, the more and more that I have looked for part-time jobs around this area it just stresses me out. I want to like what I do and like the people I work with. I want it to be a positive environment that I look forward to going to everyday( or every other). Let me tell you, there just isn't much out there. Which has made me think a lot if I want to go find a full time job in event planning or something along those lines, that way I know that I will enjoy what I do. I am not saying it will not be stressful at times, and hard to leave my baby girl, the flexibility and personal enjoyment of working with my mom everyday, but I would like what I do. I have said since the beginning that I do not want to be a full-time SAHM, but I never thought I would work full-time either. I guess all that to say that parts of me wish I had a little more time to work in a busy, full-time environment before we had kids. Or, that I would have done it while Pete was working at AT&T and I was fresh out of college. But as I type it I know parts of me don't mean it. Kids are my passion, and I have longed for a child and a large family for as long as I can remember. I just want to raise and love on as many kids as I possibly can. I want that. Pete wants that. So, I know I would be discouraged working full-time.
Do you think I am crazy yet?!
I am sure some of this rambling is my prego brain, but most of it is real, but tomorrow I could read this and think that I am a moron for ever thinking about giving up the opportunities I have now. I just want to do something I enjoy and love, and I am nervous that I am going to let myself just take whatever job I get offered first because it has benefits. Is it bad to say one of my part-time "dream jobs" is a barista at Starbucks? I just hate how people judge your lifestyle by where you work. I am not usually one to care about what others think of me as long as I am happy. I don't know why I let this one affect me so much? I need to let it go because, if I could work part-time at Starbucks, work with my mom, and pick up a few weddings a year, I would seriously be over the moon happy. I guess I just rambled my way into making a decision. I knew I just needed to write it out, and know that this is what makes me happy and is what is best for my family, so other peoples opinions do not matter. Whew.

If you made it to the end of this, congrats! I promise I will get around to posting about NYC and the wedding I was in this past weekend. I just haven't had the energy.


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